Since it's been a year since my last posting I figured I'd better post another to be able to say I blog. *grin* And since a huge portion of my friends and family have recently become or are about to become parents I thought I'd give my two cents of sense. My first bit of advice, parenting is a skill, not an innate ability. Like all skills, it requires first doing then practicing. You can't know how to do something without actually doing it. Which is why most experts are to be disregarded.
Now, what are the practical ways to acquire the skills as a parent? First we have to identify what skills do you need as a parent. In my opinion, parenting takes love, peace, energy, endurance, creativity, confidence, authority, direction, knowledge, humor, support and faith. You may groan and think, "I don't have all those skills." Great! That means you have some of them. And because they are skills you can learn the rest. God gave us pliable hearts and minds. Unless your heart and your mind are so rigid you cannot tolerate the thought of change there is hope to progress. And your children will benefit from watching your growth also.
Let's take a look at these one at a time. I want you to think after each section and keep of list of things that you can do to develop these skills. Label them with different colored highlighters if you have them based on their difficulty: easy-things you can reasonably do on any given day and are comfortable with, difficult-things that are rather impractical on a day to day basis or that make you squirm a bit, wow! that's progress-things that you can't imagine being able to do but would love to. When you get these you'll really know you've come far. And you will. Pick two easy and one difficult thing to do each day. If you get one done smile and know you're progressing. If you get two done, do a dance. If you get all three done throw a mini party. You're doing awesome!
Love is the first skill we need as parents to raise our children. "Love is a skill?" you say. There is that deep love that you know is there for your children. But being loving, acting in love, and seeing kids through loves eyes are a skill. Just like when you marry someone and don't feel "in love" always, loving your children will not always be easy. They are frequently not very lovable. The best place to start here is with prayer and reading the Bible. We have the perfect model of loving imperfect children in God. He provides, guides, disciplines, and smiles at His children every day. Whenever we feel frustrated with our children continually doing the same thing wrong it helps to look at the children of Israel and how God loved them even when they failed and rebelled again and again. And even God got angry. So, start with prayer and Bible reading as goals until they are habit. Stash a Bible in the bathroom since sometimes that may be the only time you have to yourself to read....if you're lucky. :) Another way to develop love for your children is to take time to write your children's good qualities and special moments with them. Have these handy for the bad days to read through. Also holding, hugging, kissing, and any skin to skin contact increases our feelings of closeness with our children, and them to us. God made us to reach out and touch, we feel closer and calmer when we are hugged. When it is those close to us it physically and mentally strengthens our bonds to our children. Of course nothing inappropriate, but if you never touch your children neither of you will FEEL loved or loving. It also means making time to not be with your children. It's hard to feel loving to someone you can't ever get away from. Believe me, I know this one. A goal can be to have the time you need away from your child or children without feeling guilty. The time you have without them is a time to develop your love for them. Even if it is a walk around the block or a grocery trip alone, try to find some time each day sans kiddos. Again, this is a goal to strive for that may not be practical for some, so put it in the difficult category. While some people have a huge support system to where they have too much time away from their children, I think most parents have the reverse and need to learn to accept and enjoy these times.
I need to stop there for today as my kiddos need my time now. God bless and remember, guilt over things that aren't sin are not of God. He want's us to keep moving forward, not to somehow skip to the end. We only fail if we fall and don't get up again.
